Thursday, January 15, 2009

Tebow Skips Senior Season, Ascends Directly Into Heaven

Tebow Skips Senior Season, Ascends Directly Into Heaven

MIAMI (SP) -- Shortly after leading the Florida Gators to a national championship with a 24-14 win over Oklahoma, junior quarterback Tim Tebow announced that he would skip his senior season and ascend directly into heaven.

Tebow entered the press room to wild applause. A reporter for a 24- hour cable sports network burst into tears when the 2007 Heisman winner entered the room. Another threw a pair of boxer shorts on the podium. Tebow smiled at the gesture and several sports reporters fainted.

"Sorry I'm late," Tebow began. "There was a six-year-old boy with cancer in row 54 and I had to make my way through the crowd to heal him."

"I want to start by saying that playing quarterback for the University of Florida, winning two national championships, has been a great honor. There has been some speculation about my future and I want to clear that up right now," he continued.

"Don't go, Tim!" a reporter shouted from the back of the room.

"After much consideration, I have decided to skip my senior season at the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven," Tebow announced. Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a blinding white light and vanished.

In response to the news, ESPN announced they will have a month-long tribute to Tebow. ESPN2 will now be known as ESPN-TEBOW and will feature Tebow highlights, including home videos of Tebow's childhood, re-airings of past interviews, Tebow-centric analysis by ESPN air personalities, a Tebow quiz show and a reality show to find the "most Tebow-like" person in America.

"He wasn't just the greatest player in college football history," said a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming down his face. "He might have been the greatest person to ever walk on earth."

*Sent to me by an Oklahoma Sooner fan


Loren Eaton said...

Wait, are we talking about Tebow's press conference or Obama's inauguration?

III said...

I chuckled at Loren's comment.

This was less teasing of Tebow & more an indictment of media sensationalism. I like what this Tuscaloosa editorialist had to say in comparing Tebow with a notable Christian player from Alabama. He was fair with Tebow, but noted how the talk about Tebow has ascended to Dick Vitale/Duke hyperbole levels.

And I'd say it's not all Tim's fault. But, as far as he can control it, I think he'd do well to pull back the reins a little bit on all of the coverage of him.

Brad said...

I actually read that same article by Cecil Hurt. As a fan of the other team against Florida, it really is amazing how the "blathering fan" comes out in sports analysts. I like Hurt's article because he has the highest respect (as I do) for Tebow and UF. You don't want the person and the message to be lost in the hype.

Justmatt said...

sounded like a cry baby to me.

I kid I kid

cool mum said...

that's pretty funny ha

NSB Mom said...

Hysterical, I laughed out loud. Then said my daily prayers to the Tebow-God.